לקריאת המאמר בעברית במגזין גלויה | Originally published in Hebrew in Gluya
In our contemporary lives, we often celebrate various festive milestones, such as birthdays, 10-year, quarter- and half-century anniversaries, and more—for both institutions and individuals. It is also customary to publicly commemorate the dates of birth or death of important figures who have influenced society and culture. A birthday is therefore a day for celebrating and rejoicing, but it is also a day for introspection and reflection.
Celebrating a birthday begins in childhood as a rather external act, since a young child does not yet have a developed sense of consciousness and self-awareness. However, as a person matures, this day can become an opportunity to reflect on the past year and prepare for the new year in their life.
“It is a good sign.”
Some argue that the practice of celebrating birthdays does not align with Jewish tradition. It may be inferred from the negative example in the verse: “And it came to pass on the third day, which was Pharaoh’s birthday, that he made a feast for all his servants” (Genesis 40:20) that birthdays should not be celebrated. The custom of celebrating a birthday indeed originated in the ancient pagan world. The Egyptians celebrated the birthdays of rulers with circuses and parades; the Romans marked the day with competitions and races honoring gods and high-ranking individuals. It seems that in the ancient world, birthday celebrations were reserved for the upper class and rulers rather than for the general populace and the common people.
This cult of personality was foreign to Jewish tradition. However, over time and with the interactions of Jews with other cultures and traditions, Jewish tradition also absorbed the idea of marking age in a special and meaningful way.
He [R. Yehuda ben Tema] used to say: Aged five, Scripture; aged ten, Mishnah; aged thirteen, commandments; aged fifteen, study; aged eighteen, the marriage canopy; aged twenty, pursuing; age thirty, strength; aged forty, insight; aged fifty, counsel; aged sixty, an elder; aged seventy, old; aged eighty, heroic age; aged ninety, stooped over; aged one hundred, as though dead and gone and no longer in the world
(Pirkei Avot 5:2).
This well-known mishnah from Pirkei Avot attests to the value that Jewish tradition places on a person’s years and the various stages one goes through in life. Age has significance, years have validity, and every milestone we pass along the way holds value. It is no wonder, then, that these stages are ones we choose to mark and acknowledge. Even if this mishnah does not directly indicate a regular custom of celebrating birthdays, it certainly serves as evidence of the importance of marking specific milestones in a person’s life.
In the 19th century, the Ben Ish Ḥai, Rabbi Yosef Ḥayyim of Baghdad, recognized the value of a birthday and encouraged its observance and celebration. He even testified about himself that this is his practice: “And there are those who customarily make their birthday a festive day each year, and it is a good sign, and so is the custom in our home” (First Year, Parashat Re’eh, Section 17). Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the last Lubavitcher Rebbe, established the “Birthday Campaign” to enhance the significance of this day and to dedicate it to spiritual strengthening. The traditional birthday blessing in Ḥasidut, attributed to the Baal Shem Tov, is: “Mazal Tov, may Hashem bless you with long days and years, days and years of health both physically and spiritually.”
To Recognize Life and Feel its Finiteness
There is an unbreakable connection between life and death, a bond that is present from birth, when dangers lurk for the mother and her newborn. However, it is not only a connection arising from a life-threatening situation but a fundamental connection stemming from the fact that our actions in the world and the meaning of our lives are constantly influenced by the tension between our birth and the finiteness of our lives, without us knowing in advance when or how that end will occur. Death is an inevitable fate ultimately awaiting each and every one of us.
Just as a person comes into the world, so they leave it. A person enters the world with a voice and departs with a voice, comes into the world crying and leaves crying, enters the world with love and departs with love, comes into the world with a sigh and leaves with a sigh, enters the world without knowledge and departs without knowledge. It is taught in the name of Rabbi Meir:
When a person comes into the world, their hands are clenched, as if to say, “The whole world is mine, and I will inherit it.” But when they leave the world, their hands are open, as if to say, “I have inherited nothing from this world”
(Kohelet Rabbah (Vilna), parasha 5).
The midrash sharpens the similarity between the first and last moments of human existence while also clarifying that a person leaves the world different from how they entered it. Observing the cyclical nature of life provides meaning and perspective to the events that occur within it.
In the Babylonian Talmud, in one of the fascinating discussions regarding the redemption that has already occurred and the future redemption, it is stated:
We learn: Rabbi Eliezer says: In Tishrei, the world was created; in Tishrei, the patriarchs were born; in Tishrei, the patriarchs died; on Passover, Isaac was born; on Rosh Hashanah Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah became pregnant: on Rosh Hashanah, Joseph was released from prison; on Rosh Hashanah, the labor of our ancestors in Egypt ceased; in Nisan, they were redeemed; and in Tishrei, they are destined to be redeemed. Rabbi Yehoshua says: In Nisan, the world was created; in Nisan, the patriarchs were born; in Nisan, the patriarchs died; on Passover, Isaac was born; on Rosh Hashanah Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah became pregnant: on Rosh Hashanah, Joseph was released from prison; on Rosh Hashanah, the labor of our ancestors in Egypt ceased; in Nisan, they were redeemed; and in Nisan they are destined to be redeemed
(Bavli Rosh Hashanah 11a).
The Gemara broadens the perspective by integrating the cycle of life with the cycle of the year, encompassing the entire nation and its history. The cyclical movement is anchored in the months and days of the year, creating continuity in the spirit of the rabbinic dictum, “The deeds of the fathers are a sign for the children.” It goes on to say that “The Holy One, blessed be He, sits and completes the years of the righteous from day to day, from month to month,” meaning that the righteous pass away on their birthdays, as did our forefathers Moshe Rabbenu and King David.
The Talmud’s reference to days of birth and pregnancy, as well as days of passing, as predictors of the time of redemption indicates the significant meaning it attributes to these days. A birthday is significant not only in its own right but also as a milestone to reflect on the years of life that pass until their conclusion. If the day of a person’s passing serves as a testament to the life a person lived, a birthday looks simultaneously in three directions: toward the potential future and its anticipated end, toward all the years that have already passed, and, of course, toward the present moment it encompasses.
Birthday: Between the Consciousness of Rosh Hashanah and the Consciousness of Yom Kippur
The different aspects of a birthday are quite reminiscent of the mindset and the spirit of the High Holy Days, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. On these days, a person oscillates between gratitude and joy and self-reflection. One is grateful for the creation of the world, the life one has been granted, the kindnesses God has done for one, and optimistically hopes for a better year. At the same time, one reflects on one’s actions, on possible or necessary corrections, on what requires us to seek atonement, and on how to achieve it. That time of year, which is set apart on the calendar, prompts both the community and the individual to reflect on the path they have traveled and to orient themselves toward the path that lies ahead. This is an invitation to introspection, which sometimes turns out to be a challenging task.
A birthday, alongside expressing joy, celebrating existence, and inculcating gratitude for Creation, also invites introspection and a call for possible atonement and correction of one’s path. Some people are content with the first type of joy, the Rosh Hashanah kind; others embrace the second type of introspection, seeking to improve their way of being in the world. There are those who hold both perspectives simultaneously, or alternatively, find themselves in different positions and mindsets at various times.
In any case, it is interesting to view a birthday as a pause in the year, encompassing a variety of perspectives and more than one type of consciousness. Whatever our natural inclination may be, we can learn and gain wisdom from the way others experience these moments in their lives.
It Is a Beautiful Custom
Viewing a birthday as part of the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur mindset can enrich it with customs or references that give it depth according to the desires of the celebrant. For example, some customs draw directly from the Yom Kippur outlook, such as engaging in self-reflection about the past year and making resolutions and commitments for the new year; deepening the experience into a personal day of fasting, seclusion, and inner contemplation, or a “speech fast” (a temporary commitment to silence). This may seem contrary to the Rosh Hashanah outlook and the prevalent culture of celebrating the day with festivity and cake. It is possible, however, to combine these two perspectives by viewing the day as one of introspection, yielding to celebrations toward the evening.
It is possible to combine a celebration with a se‘udat mitzvah, occasioned by a siyyum on completing the study of a tractate, or with an aliyah to the Torah at synagogue, or by giving the person celebrating an opportunity to deliver a Devar Torah and share meaningful moments from the past year with loved ones and the community. One can share joy with others by giving charity in an amount corresponding to a person’s age or by offering personal and family attention to the celebrant, even if they are not celebrating in a grand public fashion.
Rabbis and Torah scholars have traditionally published works of Torah learning around their birthdays. Even if not all of us write glosses and commentaries on the Shulḥan Arukh, this is an opportunity to share personal or Torah writings that you take pride in, whether that is a major project or a short poem or essay influenced by reflection on the past year.
Ḥol Ha-Mo‘ed Birthday
As modern religious individuals, we live with a dual calendar consciousness—the Hebrew calendar with its holidays and festivals and the Gregorian calendar with its months and quarters. Social media that operate according to the Gregorian calendar have brought the celebration of the Gregorian birthday to the forefront, even among those who do not typically celebrate it.
This duality allows for a combination of celebrations—on the Gregorian date, one can celebrate one aspect of the birthday, and on the Hebrew date, another aspect. Alternatively, it allows for the creation of a sort of ḥol ha-mo‘ed—a bridge between the birthdays on the two calendars—during which one can organize small celebrations, meet with friends from different social circles, prepare favorite dishes, and treat birthday celebrants to notes of good wishes and blessings in school or work lunches.
Birthday Celebrations: A Privilege or a Responsibility in Relation to the Life We Have Been Given?
On his or her birthday, the celebrant is invited to stand, as it were, before the people in their lives. The common practice is that on this day, those around him shower him with blessings and gifts to bring him joy and acknowledge the uniqueness of this day in his life. However, there is a custom that expresses the exact opposite—that the birthday person is the one who should express gratitude and thanks to those around them, and they are the ones who bless others with an abundance of blessings.
This custom emphasizes a person’s responsibility for their world and their environment and the belief that a birthday holds real power and significance, that the person born on this day can have an impact on reality. This idea is reminiscent of similar customs practiced during other celebrations, such as the bride blessing her friends at her wedding. The special power of people celebrating joyous events is a feature of Jewish culture, which regards those events as auspicious times.
We can also create a combination of both receiving blessings and goodness from those around us and reciprocating in kind. A beautiful custom is the circle of blessings, where those giving and receiving blessings do not settle for a symbolic “mazal tov” but rather elaborate on their wishes and blessings for the coming year. It is possible to create a combination of detailed blessings with the celebrant responding with blessings of their own, which fosters a sense of gratitude, broadens the mind, and encourages positive dialogue.
“Here Comes My Joy, Here It Comes and Descends upon Me.”
As in Amir Gilboa’s poem quoted in the heading above, a birthday is a multifaceted day that can be experienced in various ways, creating a movement between a high and a low, between a sense of celebration and joy and a sense of atonement and introspection. A person can be in a high and elevated place—and they can find themselves in the depths. Do we experience privilege on this day, or do we feel the weight of responsibility for our impact on the world? Are we in a mindset of joy for having grown another year or in the mindset of approaching the grave?
A well-known phenomenon around birthdays is the “birthday blues,” a sense of frustration, sadness, and difficulty that arises when another year has passed, and a person feels stuck in place or has not achieved the goals they set for themselves a year earlier, perhaps missing milestones or aspirations in life. Sometimes, it is a destabilizing reality, and at other times, it is an encounter with our judgmental and perfectionist side, which does not recognize that processes that last years require time and effort, and some happen “underground,” hidden from our sight. We are not always capable of quantifying the processes we are undergoing or the progress we are making.
Whether you are someone who resonates more with Rosh Hashanah or with Yom Kippur, remember that every way of dealing with this day is legitimate and personal for yourself and others. A birthday is primarily a person’s encounter with themselves and their perception and awareness of life, and therefore, the form of celebration should not be imposed on them. As Leslie Gore beautifully expressed it, “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to.”
I Will Lift My Eyes to the Songs and Prayers
During one’s birthday and even in the days leading up to it, one can read poetry that uplifts the spirit or send such works to a future celebrant, assuming they would appreciate such a gesture. Some may even appreciate a suggestion for prayers and introspection, valuing the invitation to read new prayers that can provide personal words for the full range of emotions that arise with the arrival of a birthday.
translated by Joshua Amaru
