לקריאת המאמר בעברית במגזין גלויה | Originally published in Hebrew in Gluya
Among observant Jews, the question of contraception typically arises when a couple formalizes their relationship and enters into the covenant of marriage. With the establishment of a shared home and formal entry into a life together of love and commitment, the topic of starting a family also arises.
From “Family Planning” to “The Use of Contraceptives”
Until a few decades ago, the prevailing belief was that there was no reason—and that it was even forbidden—to prevent pregnancy immediately after marriage, since raising a family was the reason the couple had gone to the ḥuppah. The common term was “family planning,” as the focus was on preventing pregnancy after having several children, or spacing births for the woman’s health. At the core of the halakhic perspective is the fundamental assumption that procreation is a mitzvah, and therefore avoiding it is considered a transgression. Indeed, there has been halakhic discussion surrounding the use of contraceptives, but underlying it is an assumption: that the purpose of using contraceptives is to regulate childbirth, and not, God forbid, to evade the fulfillment of such a fundamental and significant mitzvah. The halakhic authorities dealt primarily with the question of spacing between pregnancies and were much more reserved about issues such as delaying a first pregnancy.
With the expansion of knowledge in the fields of gynecology, sexuality, psychology, and particularly the relationship between body and soul, new understandings and perspectives have also emerged Among observant Jews. The desire to control childbirth, delay the first pregnancy, and space out births has gained broader recognition and legitimacy.
Contemporary halakhic authorities have integrated new knowledge into the halakhic discourse and have found significant precedent for this in the teachings of early and later poskim (halakhic authorities). Thus, alongside the well-known considerations against the use of contraceptives, other considerations supporting their use have emerged: physical, mental, and economic risks or threats, both for the couple and for the potential newborn, have been integrated as factors into the halakhic discourse.
A significant percentage of couples getting married today choose to delay starting a family and not become pregnant immediately after the wedding. Even among poskim who strongly oppose the use of contraceptives, it is agreed that one should not avoid marriage solely due to the fear of becoming pregnant. Finding a partner and formalizing the relationship through a wedding and kiddushin is a mitzvah in itself and a joy in itself. The desire to delay pregnancy and turn to contraception is natural and common, and many couples regularly use contraceptive methods. The use of the negative term “prevention” may blind us to a positive intent: not to prevent, but to enable — to enable healthy and moderate marital life, to fulfill the commandment “‘and live by them” as our tradition interprets it: “…and not die by them,” to make it possible to live a complete and tranquil life of Torah and mitzvot, without dangers or risks.
How do you even approach the topic?
To approach the topic of contraception, it is important first to pay attention to and recognize the very concept of choice. The ability to choose contraception is not something to be taken for granted, and it was not available to our ancestors until just a few decades ago. Choice involves responsibility, and our awareness of this leads to gratitude for the privilege we have, and, aware and serious about our choices, to taking full responsibility for them. As with many questions in married life, the first step here is for the couple to have an in-depth discussion on the choice of contraceptive methods.
Since the vast majority of contraceptive methods, and particularly those permitted by Jewish law, are almost exclusively the responsibility of the woman, it is important to maintain an open and mutual dialogue on the subject. Attention should be given not only to the bottom line—the decision about what to do (or not do) — but also to the feelings or frustrations that arise around the topic. This conversation is important even in situations where the existing relationship does not allow for a real choice. Ignoring the effects of contraceptives on the woman herself may be convenient for both partners, but it will have future costs and consequences.
As long as birth control is caused by invisible changes (such as introducing hormones into the body), one can deny their existence and assume that the contraceptives have no real effect. For many years, it was convenient to assume that if marital relations occur in the same manner outwardly, and no change is visibly noticeable, then everything is as usual and permissible according to halakha. However, nowadays halakhic consideration acknowledges what happens “behind the scenes” and the effects of introducing hormones on the body and soul. Today, we understand that marital relations also encompass what is not visible, and this too needs to be discussed.
Not Just for Efficiency: On the Considerations of Choice
The guiding considerations in choosing contraceptives are numerous, but the most prominent among them is the consideration of effectiveness, and for good reason. It is most reasonable and logical that the intention to prevent pregnancy should guide the choice of the desired method. However, it is important to take additional considerations into account. For example, the frequency of the couple’s sexual relations is one that can greatly influence the choice, as low frequency might lead to choosing a non-hormonal contraceptive method, which does not need to be used daily but only during intercourse. When it comes to having relations with more than one partner, or if the partners have not yet been tested and there is a concern about sexually transmitted diseases, it is important to consider protection against these diseases, not just against pregnancy. Another important topic to consider is lifestyle. If you live a healthy lifestyle and avoid medication and processed food as much as possible, introducing synthetic hormones into your body on a daily basis may contradict this way of life and leave you feeling frustrated and angry around the issue, in addition to the known side effects.
From a halakhic perspective, permissible contraceptive methods range on a spectrum from those allowed lekhatḥila (permitted by all accounts), such as pills and similar hormonal methods (according to most poskim), to those permitted only bedi‘avad (after the fact, under special circumstances), such as IUDs, according to most poskim, followed by diaphragms and various spermicides. Recently, Rabbi Shaul David Botschko ruled that even condoms are permitted bedi‘avad. (For further study, see his article in Hebrew, with an English summary, in the Tzohar journal, issue 43.) Finally, there are methods they are prohibited according to all authorities (e.g., the withdrawal method).
Post-factum prevention
It is important to know that if you have had unprotected intercourse for any reason—by mistake, forgetfulness, or because the contraceptive moved or was damaged during intercourse—you can take the “morning-after pill,” which is designed specifically for such situations and prevents ovulation. These pills can be purchased over-the-counter at pharmacies. It is preferable to take the pill as close as possible to the sexual encounter.
The three types of pills available are Postinor, Norlevo, and Ella; the first two can be taken up to 72 hours after intercourse, and ‘Ella’ up to 120 hours afterward. It is important to perform a pregnancy test about two weeks after taking the pill to ensure that it worked properly. Taking this pill is often accompanied by relatively severe side effects (compared to regular birth control pills), so its use should be minimized as much as possible. It should not relied upon as a routine measure.
The way the morning-after pill works is by delaying ovulation through hormones, thus preventing fertilization from occurring. Therefore, it is not 100% effective, because if ovulation has already occurred, there is no way to prevent fertilization. That is why there is no halakhic prohibition against using it. It is also important to take a pregnancy test about two weeks after using it.
To find the starting point
It can be argued that when we discuss family planning or contraception, we are essentially discussing the same thing. However, as a couple, it is clear to us that those two perspectives with which we approach the issue, and which steer us toward a practical decision, are fundamentally different, and that the starting points of those discussions are different. It is important to listen carefully to whether both partners are approaching the issue with the same perspective, and once aware of this, to converse and reach a decision together in an open and pleasant conversation. Alongside this, it is important to remember that the decision is not simple, due both to the seriousness of the topic and to the emotions that accompany that discussion. It’s not always clear who we are talking about — future births and children or the potential mother? We must also remember who we are speaking with — someone we study and debate with or a loving spouse? Keeping our eyes open to changes in conversation and different perspectives will help foster a more fruitful dialogue within married life.
Translated by Joshua Amaru
