One, Two, Talateh – A Proposal for a Ceremony Celebrating Girls Reaching the Age of Three

Don’t Say “Ḥalakeh for Girls” – Say “Talateh”

לקריאת המאמר בעברית במגזין גלויה | Originally published in Hebrew in Gluya

When our daughter turned three, we wanted to celebrate her arrival at the “age of education” and to give this transition the same importance and meaning expressed in the traditional ḥalakeh (or upsherin) ceremony we had held for her older brother when he reached three. Here is the ceremony we designed, which served as a model for celebrating our second daughter’s third birthday two years later.

First, we sought a name that was meaningful, preserving the essence of the traditional ḥalakeh while reflecting the cultural blending of the Arabic heritage of the land with the Jewish spirit. We chose the name Talateh (تَلَاتِهْ – three in Arabic), maintaining a sound and rhythm similar to the term for the boys’ ceremony.

We designed a ceremony inspired by the ḥalakeh for boys but tailored to be distinct and suited to girls—a “ceremony of their own”—with subtle adaptations to make it meaningful for them. The central theme of the ceremony is celebrating our daughter’s entry into the age of education. Instead of cutting her hair, as is customary for boys, to signify the transition from toddlerhood to boyhood, we styled her hair beautifully. Naturally, we also incorporated birthday celebrations into the event.

Celebration and Ceremony Outline

Here are some items to prepare in advance:

1. Texts from Jewish sources expressing care for education, parental love, and hope for the child.
2. Chocolate letters: Melt chocolate into Alef-Bet molds or spread chocolate syrup over laminated printouts of Alef-Bet letters. Adapt the treat based on your child’s and family’s dietary preferences.
3. A brush or comb, hair clips, and other hair accessories.
4. A prayer book for young children.
5. A children’s book on a Torah-related theme.
6. A toy Torah scroll (optional).

Opening

The parents recite the verse:

טוֹב לִי תוֹרַת פִּיךָ מֵאַלְפֵי זָהָב וָכָסֶף.
(תהלים קיט, עב)

 “I prefer the Teaching You proclaimed to thousands of gold and silver pieces.”
(Psalm 119:72)

and sing with the guests:

כִּי הִרְבֵּיתָ טוֹבוֹת אֵלָי, / כִּי הִגְדַּלְתָּ חַסְדְּךָ עָלָי
וּמָה אָשִׁיב לָךְ וְהַכֹּל שֶׁלָּךְ, / לְךָ שָׁמַיִם אַף אֶרֶץ לָךְ
וַאֲנַחְנוּ עַמְּךָ וְצֹאנֶךָ, / וַחֲפֵצִים לַעֲשֹוֹת רְצוֹנֶךָ.

“Because You have multiplied Your goodness to me, because You have increased Your kindness toward me, what can I repay You, for all is Yours: the heavens are Yours, and so is the earth. We are Your people, Your flock, eager to do Your will.”

(from Shir Ha-yiḥud for Sunday)

Expressions of Thanks and Explanation

After the song, the parents thank the attendees, offer an explanation of the ceremony, and mention family members present in spirit. For instance:

“Thank you to all who came from near and far. Today, we celebrate the Talateh of ___, a ḥalakeh celebration invented for girls, adapted not only to her gender but also to her unique soul. First and foremost, we thank our grandparents who are not with us physically but whose legacy we feel strongly within us. We are grateful for the many opportunities available to our daughter today, continuing and expanding upon the lives of her grandmothers. Thank you to the grandparents who are here, our parents, whose presence makes this day so special. Thank you to all of you, dear friends and family, who have joined us.”

Blessing of Sheheḥeyanu

The parents recite the Sheheḥeyanu blessing over a new item of clothing given to the child:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וקִיּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion

Blessings (Can Be Recited at Any Point)

The father or mother blesses the child:

יְשִׂימֵךְ אֱ-לֹהִים כְּשָׂרָה רִבְקָה רָחֵל וְלֵאָה.
יְבָרֶכְךָ ה׳ וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ.
יָאֵר ה׳ פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָּ.
יִשָּׂא ה׳ פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם:
וְשָׂמוּ אֶת שְׁמִי עַל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וַאֲנִי אֲבָרְכֵם.
(במדבר ו, כד-כו)

May God make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.
The Lord bless you and protect you!
The Lord deal kindly and graciously toward you!
The Lord bestow His favor upon you and grant you peace!
(Numbers 6:24–26)

Focus on Hair and Birthday Celebration

Rather than cutting her hair, as is the custom with boys, we seated our daughter in the center of the circle, and we, her parents, gently combed her hair and styled it beautifully. (You may want to use detangling spray and pre-comb the hair to minimize knots.) During this part of the ceremony, you may want to recite this Psalm:

לַמְנַצֵּחַ עַל הַגִּתִּית מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד.
ה׳ אֲדֹנֵינוּ מָה אַדִּיר שִׁמְךָ בְּכָל הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר תְּנָה הוֹדְךָ עַל הַשָּׁמָיִם.
מִפִּי עוֹלְלִים וְיֹנְקִים יִסַּדְתָּ עֹז.
(תהלים ח, א-ג)

For the leader, on the gittith. A Psalm of David:
O Lord, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name throughout the earth,
You who have covered the heavens with Your splendor!
From the mouths of infants and sucklings, You have founded strength.”
(Psalms 8:1–3)

At the end of the hairstyling, the guests lifted the birthday girl on a chair, sang birthday songs, and shared hugs and kisses, creating a joyful and celebratory atmosphere.

Note: It is not necessary to focus on hair in this ceremony. Some children’s gender identity is not fully defined at this age. The ceremony can occur without references to hair or gender, as its essence lies in marking the transition from infancy to childhood and celebrating the child’s entry into the age of education.

Tasting the Letters

To celebrate our daughter’s entry into the age of education, we prepared chocolate Alef-Bet letters. We went through each letter with her, saying their names together. At the end, she enjoyed eating the letters and shared them with the other children at the celebration.

Gift

We chose to give our daughter a book symbolizing her entry into the age of education. We chose an aleph-bet learning book that is also used in ḥeder. Alternatively, you could give a prayer book with recorded prayers or other suitable books.

Torah Teaching for a Three-Year-Old’s Birthday

We boldly interpreted the sages’ discussions of a three-year-old girl, as mentioned in Tractate Niddah, with a positive and open perspective as parents without fear of gender-related complexities. I (the mother) spoke about the age of education and suggested adapting this verse to feminine language.

אָנָּה ה׳, כִּי-אֲנִי עַבְדֶּך.
אֲנִי-עַבְדְּךָ, בֶּן-אֲמָתֶךָ; פִּתַּחְתָּ לְמוֹסֵרָי.
(תהלים קטז, טז)

I beseech You, Lord, for I am Your [male] servant; I am Your servant,
the son of Your handmaid; You have loosed my bonds”
(Psalms 116:16)

What we said was:

אֲמָתֶךָ, בֶּן-אֲמָתֶךָ; פִּתַּחְתָּ לְמוֹסֵרָי.

I am Your maidservant, the daughter of Your handmaid.

When less than an entire verse is recited, it can be adjusted to suit the event and its context. I mentioned that, according to the sages’ criteria, a three-year-old and one day—which was exactly that day—is already considered a woman, even though they normally regarded a girl as a woman only from the age of twelve and one day. For us—we said—this means our daughter is growing into education, identity, and her future path in life.

Closing the Ceremony with Psalms

The ceremony concludes with the recitation of Psalm 116:

translated by Joshua Amaru